One or Two

This is probably the most talked about during the highs and lows of raising Sebastian.  Do we want a second baby, or are we complete? 

From my perspective I am really perplexed.  I bounce back in forth all the time; usually in those highs and lows of parenting I find myself switching sides of the argument. I've imagined myself with two children for a large part of my life, and I'm not sure if that really carries a lot of weight in this decision or if it just adds more {self} pressure.  

As far as Sebastian is concerned, I'd absolutely love for him to have siblings.  I think it's a different way of life, a different childhood when you can share it with another sibling.  Of course they will argue like cats and dogs at times, but in the end they will always have each other in their own personal highs and lows of life.  I want that for Sebastian.  Without a doubt, I want Sebastian to have a brother or sister.  

Then, I think about this last pregnancy.  Which, before I say anything else, I will honestly say that pregnancy was probably my most favorite stage of my life.  I felt confident, and happier than I've ever felt with my body; I was truly astonished that my weathered body could support a healthy life.  Now, the end of my pregnancy got a bit rough and chaotic and I was DONE at 36 weeks.  Gestational diabetes wasn't so bad, and really I think a blessing in disguise- I could have gained a lot of weight if it wasn't for my blood sugars telling me to not eat all the sweets.  I think I am much more prepared to get back in {some form of mom} shape.  But the hypertension and protein/kidney scare was enough to task me at that point in my pregnancy.  I was carrying heavy and I wasn't keeping up physically like I would have liked to at 36 weeks.  I was later diagnosed with pre-eclampsia and the decision to have Sebastian with an induction was made for me.  The labor and delivery was quite a toll on my body, but I still surprised myself with the recovery time.  

Am I ready for all that again?  

I know, I know...

Every pregnancy is different. 

And I know for a fact, as I've already asked the questions, that my next delivery will be a scheduled c-section.  No 26 hours of labor leading up to a major surgery.  I understand my body will tolerate the scheduled c-section much better.  

So, do we start this adventure all over again?  

The prize is the same, and BOY is it worth it!  

I think I'll know without a doubt when Sebastian starts eating dinner with us around the table.  Either we will feel complete, or it will be apparent that we are missing someone.  That's when I think I will know if we will have a second.